


Never, ever, ever, letting go

by Nath_happiness



Category: Free!
Genre: Bathtub thinking time, Falling In Love, February 19, Fluff, I edited so there is no Rin in here, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, Makoharu Festival 2015, Post-Series, Romance, Tumblr: makoharufestival, round 1: Don't let go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 08:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3374330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nath_happiness/pseuds/Nath_happiness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Haru is struggling to decide what he is going to do with his life, now that he is graduating. He knows he wants to swim, but where? Should he stick with Makoto, like always? Or should he just let his best friend have his own experiences, without him, for once?</p>
<p>Or rather, what was going on Haru's mind before deciding to go to Tokyo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never, ever, ever, letting go

**Author's Note:**

> The fic was written for the Makoharu Festival 2015, and it was already posted in their website. The theme was: Don't let go. Round 1. You can find the other works here: http://theofficialmakoharufestival.tumblr.com/

Seriously, he should just let go.

Keeping an eye on the dolphin toy breaking the surface of the water, Haruka shook the hair out of his face one more time, just by pure reflex. His mind was somewhere else though, between kind green eyes and gentle hands. Somehow, he could sense the relationship with his best friend changing, slowly, but surely, one step at a time.

He tried to remember when he first felt the movement on the surface of the water. Maybe it was under fireworks and unspoken words that felt like break ups. Maybe it was when Makoto started coaching the kids at the Iwatobi SC, finally stepping out on his own, without dragging Haruka along. Maybe it was after their one and only race.

He reached out for the toy. It didn’t really matter when it started. What mattered is how he felt.

Now that they were not on the swim club anymore, spending more time together just the two of them, his fingers lingered a little longer on Makoto’s while the green eyed boy pulled him out of the tub every morning, their shoulders bumping into each other more frequently on their way home. He could feel Makoto’s gaze laid even more often on him, and he himself could not stop glancing at his best friend every once in a while.

Now, his mind was full of _touch_ , _reach_ , _close_. He did not wonder what it meant though. It was Makoto, after all. And it is not like he _had never_ thought of touching the other boy in the first place, because _he had_ , just not this desperately.

No, this was something entirely different. Because he did not know for how long Makoto would be there, every day and all the time, with him.

Seriously, he should just let Makoto go, let his best friend do his own thing, explore the world by himself, while Haruka would be following his own dream.

_They could always call each other, right? Maybe hang out, from time to time?_

Narrowed blue eyes glared at the dolphin toy.

_Is that what he wanted? Would that be enough?_

“Come on, Makoto, hurry up” he whispered, staring hopeless at the ceiling, waiting for a very late Makoto to come pull him out of the tub, “because I want to touch you again”.

And with his cheeks all red because of the words spoken out loud, Haruka sank deeper into the water.

 

//

 

They did not talk about the future though.

“Ah, it is getting cold again. Soon enough we will have to start wearing warmer jackets, Haru”, said Makoto in his usual gentle voice, while shivering and holding himself tighter under his brown coat. The sun was still up, but they could feel the wind brushing over their bodies.

Haruka just kept walking in silence, listening to the other boy rambling next to him. He stared out at the ocean, wishing it was warmer for him to swim in it. Since they would be graduating soon, there was no need for him and Makoto to be at the swim practice with Nagisa and Rei anymore. He kind of had twisted feelings about this, because _he missed the water already_. And he missed his friends too, of course.

Surprised, he realized the silence in the air and turned just to find Makoto staring at him with curiosity. He was brighter than Haru remembered. He would never cease being amazed by his best friend’s genuine smile.

“It is okay to miss them, Haru. Like you said before our relay in the Nationals, we will always be connected, and I agree with you”.

He turned his eyes back to the ocean. Makoto was reading his mind again, and he felt his cheeks go red. Suddenly he turned to look at his best friend again. _“Will we be connected too, Makoto? Like we are now?_

Haruka counted on their old telepath with this one too. When he felt green eyes turn warmer and full of fondness, he knew the message was delivered. Makoto always understood him anyway.

“I mean it. Of course we will”. Makoto stared ahead of them and a broad smile came across his face. Haru’s heart ached a little about this, because the words he heard carried a lot of _what ifs_ into the wind, which he knew it was not Makoto’s intention to begin with.

Of course they would be connected. He just did not want to be separated.

_Was he always this greedy?_

Later on, when Makoto waved good bye and followed the path to his house, Haruka stayed there, glancing up to the sky, wishing with all the strength he had for him to be able to support his best friend’s dreams without being selfish, for him to still secure a special place in Makoto’s future.

 

//

 

It had been a long time since they had spent a leisure time like this, with all the exams and tests at school. Haruka was so excited, after a whole night playing video games with Makoto, Ran and Ren – who were already in bed by the way – and _winning_.

Okay, he had to admit, he enjoyed winning, very deep down. That was the reason why he would feel so drown to Rin when swimming in the first place. To Makoto’s despair, Haruka put all his might on the game, beating him for the thirteenth time that evening. The bedroom was messy, but his bag of clothes was placed carefully across the room. He was staying over tonight.

“Ahhh Haru! That is enough!” Makoto fell on his back on the mattress, Haruka still sitting by his side, controllers on his hands.

“Are you serious? We just began. Go get your controllers.”

“You said the same thing over two hours ago!” The other boy whined.

Haruka glared at Makoto, his expression dark. “You don’t want it?”

_You don’t want to play with me? Do you have something better to do?_

_Would you rather be doing something else?_

“Yes! I am kind of tired of losing, you know?” He rubbed his eyes, putting the glasses back on. It was dark already, and Makoto had enough of contacts for the day. That was a view that Haruka pretty much appreciated, even if he would never say out loud.

_With someone else?_

What kind of question was that? Haruka surprised himself, but he had to know.

Makoto’s expression softened instantly, and his face had one of those fondly smiles that Haruka loved. He loved when Makoto looked at him in that way. He felt so special.

“With you”, he whispered, “only with you, Haru”.

Blue eyes widened. Haruka felt his heart skip a beat. He was not sure of what to do, so he let go of the controllers, and stared at his empty hands. He then realized something. _Makoto got things to go his way again._ He was suddenly annoyed and swore that the other boy would pay for that later, probably with mackerel.

The thought of fresh fish made him a lit bit happier though, and the silence fell into the air, comfortable and full of familiarity. Breathing hard, Haru laid down close to Makoto and looked at his best friend’s face. The taller boy was not smiling anymore.

“You know”, he started, “I know I was the one who decided to go to Tokyo. No one pushed me to do that”.

“Oh”. Haruka did not expect this issue to be on their conversation again. But he nodded, so Makoto could continue with whatever he was going to say.

“I am not scared. It is not it. I am going to miss my family though. My mother is not going to be there to kiss me on the forehead while I am studying, or to cook my meals. There would be no Ran and Ren for me to read bedtime stories to, and play video games with”. He moved to a more comfortable position, resting his head on his right arms. “My father is not going to be reading the newspaper early in the morning on the kitchen table when I wake up”.

Haru kept silent. He didn’t have to respond. Makoto knew he was listening.

“And Nagisa is not going to come at me with those shining eyes and a brain full of ideas during lunch time, and Rei is not going to be scouting Nagisa, adjusting his glasses and searching for beauty in everything”. He chuckled softly. “And then –”.

Makoto was quiet again, biting his lower lip. As if he was trying hard to hold his thoughts this time.

Haruka realized he did not say his name. He said nothing about him. Why was he hesitating? Makoto also never asked where Haruka was going to study next year, even though the raven boy had decided his destination weeks ago. Was Makoto scared? Because he thought Haruka would be going somewhere far? Or was it because of the opposite?

_Did Makoto want to move on with his life by himself?_

Suddenly, Haruka could not breathe, and he did not want to hear anything anymore. When he started to seat on the bed, to leave the bed, the bedroom, the house, he felt warm fingers on his wrist, and froze. Makoto’s eyes were begging for him to stay, so he laid on the bed one more time. Makoto’s big hands still placed on his skin.

“Haru. I just – I am going to say this just once. Because I am trying really hard not to be selfish, Haru, and I am so not trying to make you do something that I know you don’t want to do. I would never, ever, do that. Because I want you to swim free, no matter how far that is from me”.

The smaller boy looked over green eyes, and there was a determination there that Haruka had seen only a few times. But he remembered every single time he saw those eyes on fire.

“But I just really, _really_ , am going to miss you more than anyone else”.

His voice was nothing more than a murmur, soft, filling the air like a feather. They stayed there, staring at each other, Haruka lost count of the time. The house was silent, since everyone was already sleeping, and the only sound they could hear was their own heart beats.

After what felt like forever, Haruka said quietly. “No, you won’t”.

Suddenly, Makoto was all red cheeks and desperation. Big hands grapping Haruka’s wrist even tighter, until it was almost hurting. Haruka realized it would leave a mark later, for sure. But he did not try to free himself.

“I will, Haru.”

The smaller boy exhaled deeply. “I know _you would_.” Silence again. It started raining outside, heavy tears dropping against the window.

“I talked to Ama sensei a few weeks ago” Haru said with every bit of strength he had. He was never good with words, as he was with the water. He struggled with them, and they never sounded quite right. But Makoto did not seem to be able to read his mind this time, so he had to try. “I was offered a scholarship, at this really good university. I am excited about it”. Something flashes in his eyes, because the photos of the breath taking pool he would be swimming into next year still were still too vivid in his mind.

He allowed himself to look up, to Makoto. “I know you would miss me. You just won’t have to, since I am going to Tokyo”.

And that was it. All the tension, the fear, the anxiety left his body as soon as Makoto’s face light up the way he has seen during his entire life. He doesn’t even remember a time without Makoto. And he had never liked that sunshine smile, the light laugh that followed it, more than now, on this dark, quiet room.

“So, you are not going to Australia?”

The words were a slap on his face. “Why would I go there?”

“It is warm”. The boy laughed again.

Haruka was speechless. _Did you seriously think I would even consider going there? I have changed my mind a long time ago, you know? When everything I saw was green. When everything I saw was you._

Haru stared at those beautiful and surprised eyes, shaking his head slight. “Tokyo.”

Makoto smiled fondly at the raven boy, the news finally sinking in his stomach, finally understanding what Haru said and the meaning behind the words.

“Haru – I could not be happier”. Only those words made Haruka’s skin tickle. Makoto’s expression was a mess by now, a smile on the size of the sun taking every part of it.

So Haruka could not really help but lean closer, and closer, to the bright boy in front of him, until his forehead was touching firm and muscular shoulders, holding his breath, savoring the moment, long and pale fingers entwining big and warmer ones, slowly, carefully, as if their whole life depended on that. It did not take long for Makoto to put an arm around Haruka, closing any space left between them.

This was a first. Hugs were not something they did normally. But Haruka did not care, not when it was so comfortable, and it felt _so good_ , that he made a mental note to never, ever, _ever,_ let go.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I edited this fic so there is no scene between Rin and Haru. I did that because I realized I despise love triangles. I had the idea of the plot in my head, but every time I thought of continuing this fic I remembered that one scene and I got so uncomfortable I felt sick.
> 
> So yeah, lesson learned, I will never put RinHaru in a fic ever again, thank you very much brain haha
> 
> \--
> 
> Hey there! If you made all this way, thank you so much! This is my first fic ever, and I actually wrote it during my lunch break at work, just because I was overflowing with all these feelings.
> 
> Any feedback is highly appreciated, and you can find me on tumblr:
> 
> http://herewegohappiness.tumblr.com/.


End file.
